I haven’t gone this long without work in…I don’t remember how long. In the first week after City Year was over it was all like, “Haha, we’re unemployed! It’s funny a little! Right, guys?” Now it’s like, “Eff my whole life I’m unemployed and rent’s due in two weeks ahhhhh wtf am I gonna doooo??”
I spend my days in random coffee shops posted up with my laptop in front of me and my tall ice water (you charge me 10 cents for water, I spend 10 hrs on your wifi, fools) next to me, filling out applications and sending my resume to every tutoring, nannying, babysitting, and/or childcare position I come across. I’ve sent out 30+ apps in the past 3 days and filled out profiles on 4 different social networking sites.
I’ve had one offer so far. But it’s a 2 hr bus ride away in a city I’m unfamiliar with. I turned it down.
Frustrated? Yes. Pessimistic? Slightly. Horrified at the thought of being forced to give everything up and move back home, or else become roomies with the homeless guy down the street who I occasionally have to check is just passed out drunk and not dead? Um. Yes, I am.
But surprisingly, one thing I do not feel is negatively about myself. These are the moments when I know I’ve made progress, because just a few months ago I would have thought something like, “I can’t find work because no one wants to hire me because I’m terrible at what I do and I don’t have enough experience and I wouldn’t be good at any of these jobs anyway and blaaaaah blah negativity blaaah.”
Am I feeling discouraged and angry? Yes. But I know my delay in finding work isn’t because I suck ass at things. I’m smart, dedicated, passionate, and incredibly accomplished for my age. And I haven’t failed yet, because I haven’t given up yet. And even if I do end up having to move back to Seattle, I still won’t have failed. Because giving up is something I will forever refuse to do.
(It definitely helps that my family is so incredible and supportive.)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I must get back on my grind.